First of all, I’m a survivor and this is my story. I’ve lived a sheltered life, when I was 19 years old, I met a guy that had been in prison. I thought he was an exciting person, we eventually ended up getting married. We adopted his nephew, I thought he was going to be our only child, then I became pregnant with our second son. In the beginning of our relationship, he was a complete gentleman opening doors, making sure when we went for walks that I was always on the inside. Six months into our relationship the verbal and physical abuse started and continued through our 5-year marriage. I was raped by him and one of his relatives, I was beaten, lost a child, and still stayed with him. He went out on me numerous times and blamed me for nagging him all the time. I learned to be a manipulative person, I would pick a fight so I could go to my parents on the weekends and not have to deal with him. I had to put several Protective Orders on him, which he broke and served 6 months in jail. He would leave me alone until the date of expiration would come up and he would start contacting me. I thought the boys needed their father, but they came to me asking if I wanted him there because they didn’t. He always told me that if I left him, he would take our oldest son with him since I wasn’t his biological mother. I stayed until I found out that I could take him with me, by that time I had our third son. He always told me that if I gave him a son, he would do good by me, but that never came. He went out on me and drank our money away, took my car, so I had to hide my wallet and car keys under my side of our mattress, who lives like this? Through the many beatings and broken bone in my face he finally left me and the boys. The last beating, I had to crawl to the phone and call for a ride to the ER, taking my 3 boys with me. I suffered a concussion that caused dizziness and still took care of my boys the best I could. My boys have seen their mother beat and thrown around and I knew I needed to get away from him.
I turned to our Tribal Police for help, and I thought our Chief of Police was a good guy and started dating him. I think to this day at first it was just to get away from my first husband, but he was another abuser. He had little man syndrome, (yes, it’s a thing) and would tell me if he said to jump, I was to ask him how high! In one instance, he used his position as a police officer by requesting me to come to the emergency room to help identify a female, when I arrived, he told the hospital staff that I was suicidal, and I was admitted into a behavioral health unit. I was in there four days until my doctors came in and said that they didn’t think anything was wrong with me but with him. They asked me why I didn’t speak up, like they would’ve listened to me since an officer brought me in. This man alienated me from my family, and due to the abuse made me lose my boys, which are my everything. I was a victim, and he was granted visitation with his daughter like nothing was going on, but I had to have supervised visitation with my boys like I did something wrong. It took me 9 months to get them back, I had to jump through DHS hoops, and fight with my own family who was against me. I really had no support system except with my aunt and daughter, they came to my court dates. I ended up with a great caseworker that was so supportive, and I knew with her that I would get them back soon. Once we were all reunited, he hit me one more time, and this time I was strong enough to make him leave. We were both working for the same tribe and one day he showed up intoxicated in uniform looking for me. My supervisor hid me in a supply closet and put boxes on top of me, she then took his gun away from him and fired him. I filed for a protection order and divorce.
Many years have passed, and my healing journey continues. I’ve been with the same man for the last 24 years and married for 22 of those years. He is a positive role model to my boys and grandbabies. He’s a good husband, father and grandpa! I have suffered long lasting health issues due to my past abuse and we are blessed to have this man in my life.
